Tuesday, September 11, 2012

9/11 and Heaven

Today is the first 9/11 since the event that was actually on a Tuesday. It sort of feels like the same kind of day. I would have been coming in the train station under the path train and World Trade or in Borders bookstore killing time before going to work near by. But I was home that day, because I was tired and my baby son had a cold. I was at my moms house doing his hair. ( Yes, both my boys are blessed with hair like Samson) Today I just came back from my mom's house in ATL. I am not watching TV. I kind of have giving that up and I don't miss it. Sometimes the news but not really. I still have internet and can get things that way.
On that day 11 yrs ago, my world was rocked. My comfort zone of what I knew and what I thought I knew was totally flipped.
We are not safe here. Who are the real terrorist? It was not who blew up the planes. It was more like the ones that set the explosives in the world trade.

I saw the report of the planes in the air and not responding. I knew from school and everything I saw in movies that the secret service was gonna scoop in an shoot them down. This did not happen.
I called my husband , repeatedly until I got through his upper Manhattan office and told him to turn around and come home. I didn't know what we were gonna do, but we should all be together doing it.

He and his co- workers thought is was a joke that the world trade had a fire going ( from what they could see from their  conference room windows.)  They didn't know it was a plane crash or what was about to come.
The second plane hit, and laughter got serious real quick. My husband heard cries and shouts and said he was on his way home. He didn't get home til 8 hrs later after catching a bus half way then  leading a little  group to walking across the Brooklyn bridge . His navigation skills of being a NY city foot messenger paid off that day.
The most that I remembered was the ash on his clothes, and the feeling of being unprepared.
I am working on not having to feel like that again.
I don't want to remember the deaths, and the anger of pointing fingers.
There are still a lot of unexplained facts, and crooked politics going on. I want to cherish today,just being here. I have my husband, my boys, my mom and her issues  and all my bills.
But guess what, I can see this sunny day. I can smell fall in the air.I can enjoy and try to hold onto the little treasures that are still here around us.  I think that feeling is heaven.
This should have been important that day to us. So today, feels sort of the same, but really its a lot different.